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Sunday, October 26th, 2003
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We are all people who "habitually take someone home just so we don't have to sleep alone." NYC was alive this weekend and I have not had a good time like that in awhile. Chris I miss you, call me. There are so many harmless people out there it's beautiful.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, April 24th, 2003
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| Subject: | shiner |
| Time: | 3:43 pm. |
| Mood: |  sore. | | Music: | rasputina "bad moon rising". |
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i guess my reflection says it all. my eye is purple and harmed, falling on an object that should have been my pillow, but was not. everyone assumes someone hit me, the ignorance...i hit myself, the wine the instigator. what else to do but slow down, take deeper breaths and slower strides so i wont have to hide behind a black eye and explain my accidents to the world.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, March 19th, 2003
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I'm moving on Friday, and that's not good in my condition, classical conditioning wouldnt work on me now. Gay I miss you, come back to me. I swallow my pride to often and it tastes bitter in my mouth. The love of my life has been in my life this week, but it wont last....cause i know him like my favorite poem. Tragic, relentless, free.
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you never know when your life will start,
like a circle there is never a difinitive beginning....I'm waiting.
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Friday, December 27th, 2002
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two days after christmas, two lazy days later and these are the things on my mind
1. my best friend is moving, and I have never been in denial like this before.
2. "Its harder to kill a phantom than a reality"
(think about it)
3. Where I am, where I have been to get me here, and most importantly, where am I going.
4. Trying to define loneliness and see if I am really lonely.
Everyday is a word problem, and I suck at word problems.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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for a week it was how it always was...friends, things to do, drunken nights and silly days...but now it is back to square one
adjusting to all that shit other than fun,
i am not giving up on life Dad
i am just being young
i am not wasting my talent
i am savoring my youth
can you understand?
can you understand?
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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make me the happiest person, a once a week meeting with my significant other at a venue that provides my favorite pastime, and him. A kiss can say a thousand words, and maybe this one only said a few, much better than nothing, nothing is better then that.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, May 29th, 2002
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| Time: | 12:17 pm. |
| Mood: |  sick. | | Music: | moby "18". |
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anyone know where i can get a new body cause this one is achin' and breakin' all over the place. My face keeps growing hot like a woman in menopause, as I grow closer to that everyday. Ouch is all I can say.
P.S. Now I know the difference between infatuation and love. Which one are you in??
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, April 23rd, 2002
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i write this for myself. i have never been such a taurus, never been so close to being 21 without being 21. never been so afraid to lose. never been so haunted by abandonment of the past. never been this happy with myself and matters of the heart.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, February 27th, 2002
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I was so close to the mountains I could touch them, then on the plane ride home the clouds looked like cotton candy where trampoline actions should be made. Fever in and fever out, I am home again, as if i never parted. Now I am back to where I always started.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Monday, February 18th, 2002
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today I feel close to the shore, low tide, consumed by all the waste that washes up upon me, like failed attempts, empty packs of cigarettes, broken bottles and hope. today I will shower more than normal just to see if I can be abnormal for once. Once in this lifetime of mine I will look at the sky and smile because I won't be able to do anything but help it.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Saturday, February 16th, 2002
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Friday, February 15th, 2002
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I will miss my mom?s hands on my fresh, warm laundry
But I am excited to do my own.
I will miss day trips to NYC
But I am excited to see something new.
I will miss the people who know me
But I am excited for someone to know me more.
I will miss the comfort of a family
But I am excited to build my own nest.
I will miss the good times and the bad
But I am excited to create new memories.
I will miss late night diner runs
But I am excited to run to a new shelter.
I will miss my place here, my family, my few and far between friends
But I am excited to pursue that dream which when I wake never ends.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, February 12th, 2002
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I never want to be as drunk as I was last night. Today I lost a whole day to my bed, and spinning rooms, and a lapse of memory of how I got home. How can you not remember going to Dunkin Donuts, paying for a coffee, spilling it all over your carpet, and trying to compose yourself for your worried mom. I feel gross, I feel ashamed.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, February 9th, 2002
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in addition to everything else, my new ring (which if only liked by me is fine by me) is shiny and big and i have taken a liking to shiny big things that stand out, stand up and shout things like, shimmer and glitter and bold and plain, and have no theory on what it is like to truly feel pain, whether from the heart, or the skin, or any place with a welcome sign to sin, and i say to myself that i remember those times, when i cried over what another could not provide, you know those hard topics like a helping hand, loyalty, diversity, warmth.
I have the deepest remorse today on the two year anniversery of a wonderful young woman's death.
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my ear hurts. i did it to myself though. metal rod straight through and it hurt but i toughed it out, it bled but i cleaned it up, it throbbed so i slept on my other side. i enjoyed yesterday. being with my bestest friend who knows my buttons (almost too well) as if he sewed them on, as if he invented them. we laughed. we talked. we did best friend stuff. i am greatful to have had a day just like that.
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Friday, February 1st, 2002
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I dyed my hair red to match my heart, I guess that is my dirty little secret. I'm holding the key, to my heart, to my emotions that burn my stomach like a volcano about to explode, that catch butterflies better than any net, any cage. Light as air, and free as a bird I ride the wind into the moments of my life.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Thursday, January 31st, 2002
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Something clicked
into place
today and I know that time is short
and I am going to pursue that outrageous dream
I once had
Because I know I can have it
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Monday, January 28th, 2002
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I try not to where a watch anymore, or atleast constantly be reminded of time, because there simply is never enough. I am reminded that I am leaving, a good idea when it was a zygote of an idea, and now the thought weighs down my heart like the titanic. I will go, no matter what happenes between now and then. I will go and try not to cry over what I am missing or what I have missed.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Friday, January 25th, 2002
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Tonight I am going to get a psychic reading.
Tonight I will discover things about myself
or be reminded of what's already there,
living deep within me.
Tonight is a crystal ball with images of a future I cannot see,
that someone else can, possibly.
Tonight the stars will beam with insight
and my body will fall slave to a forecast unknown.
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
bleuskize's journal
complacent.
awake.
pensive.
excited.